LOL! The Funniest Yelp Reviews And Pictures Ever

Yelp is a terrific source of reviews for businesses you’re thinking about trying. It can be a valuable resource, especially for restaurant reviews. The Yelp reviews here are a different story though. Far from being helpful, they’re downright hilarious. Some are intentionally funny and some aren’t, but they’re all guaranteed to make you LOL at least a little.

When The Bus Boy Has Your Back…

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This meal sounds like a disaster from start to finish. From the ridiculous price tag, to the “child’s thumb size” portions (appetizing!) to a warm bottle of wine, “Jay R.” clearly doesn’t think he got his money’s worth. At least the bus boy had their back though! And if we’re being totally honest, we would be down to try that bacon ice cream…

When You Find the Staff To Be Inappropriate (And Chubby?)

When You Find the Staff To Be Inappropriate (And Chubby?)

While “Jim W.” admits that the food was exceptional, but sadly that was overshadowed for him by the antics of the waitstaff. From the uninspiring outfits to the overweight waiters, clearly this reviewer expects more from his “haute cuisine joint” experience.

When Food Is Your Religion, But An Aggressive Chef Ruins It…

When Food Is Your Religion, But An Aggressive Chef Ruins It…

If well-prepared food is your religion, does that mean an angry chef chasing you down the street is your version of hell? Either way, this foodie clearly had a traumatic experience. Add in a five month wait time and the fact that the “mains” were weak, and we would seriously consider changing religions after this.

When You’re Not Quiet Sure If Your Reviewing A Restaurant Or An Entire Gender Of Humans…

When You’re Not Quiet Sure If Your Reviewing A Restaurant Or An Entire Gender Of Humans…

This customer seems to be extremely confused by the experience that he had at the restaurant. Frankly, we’re just as confused by this review. Is it a poem? Is it a creative writing experiment? Is “Mike K.” even old enough to have such a jaded view of the female gender, given that his profile picture would suggest he’s a tween? So many questions, so little time.

When You Dare Someone To Say Something Bad About Your Meatballs…

When You Dare Someone To Say Something Bad About Your Meatballs…

So technically, this isn’t a review, but is more of a review of a review. Clearly the maker of this particular meatball sandwich which got such a negative review on Yelp was not a happy camper. We can’t imagine this is an effective marketing strategy, but you never know!

When You Just Love McDonald’s A Little Too Much…

When You Just Love McDonald’s A Little Too Much…

You know you’ve stumbled upon a one-of-a-kind review when it starts off by parodying a quote from the classic Kevin Costner movie Field of Dreams. Whether the “Big Mac” is really comparable to the Mars Rover landing might be subjective, but one thing that’s not? This person’s devotion to those golden arches in the sky.

When The Entire Restaurant Abandons You…For Ice Cream…

When The Entire Restaurant Abandons You…For Ice Cream…

Hilarious. This seems like it might be straight out of a Woody Allen movie. While this customer might have endured one of the most awkward ice cream induced situations you can think of, we can’t say that we wouldn’t do the exact same thing if we saw an ice cream truck passing.

When You Enjoyed Getting Arrested…A Little Too Much…

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Somehow, we have a feeling that this is one five star review that the San Francisco County Jail would rather not have received. While we’ll never know just how much of this tale is true, we can definitely understand his craving for a good Cup O’Noodles.  The rest of it though, not so much.

When You Passive-Aggressively Want To Get Back At That One Customer…

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Another unhappy Yelper, another passive aggressive response from a restaurateur. Whoever “Eric L.” is, we hope writing that review was worth the public shame. Again, possibly not the best marketing strategy, but then again, maybe this is some kind of reverse psychology?

When Your Middle School Crush Ruins Your Favorite Spot…

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At the first glance, this review starts out on a positive, relatively normal note. However, things quickly takes a turn towards the “Too Much Information” zone when “Cesar Z.” provides the real reason behind his frequent patronage of the restaurant… as well as the tragic reason it stopped. At least he got a couple of free donuts out of it…

When You’ve Been Dead For 150 Years But Come Back Just To Leave A Bad Review…

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This (obviously fake) review gives us a little taste of exactly how “Honest Abe” might be spending his time if he were alive in the era of the Yelp review. Frankly, we’re surprised he even gave it a second star, considering what went down there.

When Your Jail Experience Was Really Top Notch…All 31 Times…

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It’s pretty rare to find someone who has something positive to say about a jail experience. But, apparently “Jason L.” of East Bay, California is just one of those people who has the gift of seeing the positive in any situation. Even if that situation is checking into jail…thirty-one times…

When Your May As Well Have Gone To McDonald’s…

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The disappointment in this review is palpable. You know it’s bad when you compare the quality and taste of the food to a frozen TV dinner, most often saved for ageing bachelors and parents who have given up on cooking anything. According to “Peter S.” though, that would still be a step up from the “Frou Frou, Shi Shi” cuisine he was forced to endure.

When You Want To Tell Them Where They Can Stick It…

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“Martin L.”, or Marty as he likes to be called, may not know the correct usage of “there” and “their” but that certainly won’t stop him from letting this restaurant know where exactly they can stick the over-priced bill.

When You Want Your $1,200 Back…

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It sounds like this was the first and last visit for “Brandon R.” to this particular eatery. Not only wasn’t the sommelier up to snuff, apparently he’s also not a huge fan of the “Happy Birthday” song. To be fair, if we paid $1,200 for a meal, we would be expecting Adele to sing to us, rather than a waitstaff. We’re giving this review extra points for the witty (if snarky) combination of restaurants TGI Fridays and the upper scale French Laundry.

When Your Lover Is Foreign and Just Doesn’t Care…

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We’ve never heard of a restaurant having an “administrative fee,” but we wouldn’t want to pay it either, if we were “Jacqueline A.” Lucky for her, she seemed to find the “foreign lover” loophole in tipping etiquette. We’re guessing she was also pretty excited to get to brag about said “foreign lover” on Yelp, as well.

When The Coat Check Was The Best Part Of The Meal…

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For $240 for a roll of sushi, Sebastian from The Little Mermaid had better come out of the kitchen and serenade you during your meal. Having said that, not checking the prices before committing to a restaurant is a rookie mistake, and “Andrew M.” definitely should have known better.

When You Appreciate Just How Fast The Service Was…

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We all hate having to wait around for slow service, especially when getting a license. So “Joe C.” was so elated that he didn’t have to endure this torture, when leaving his review on Yelp he may have stretched the truth, just a little bit. Unless of course, Vin Diesel and Usain Bolt really were there, in which case, we would like the name of this place immediately.

When You Don’t Like Your Food So You Start A Small Fire…

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Starting a fire because you don’t love the pizza you’re served is a totally normal reaction, right? Apparently not at Carmine’s Parkside Pizza. Really though, how else are you supposed to express your discontent over your pizza to crust ratio?

When You Hate Your City of Self-Absorbed Hipsters…

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We feel the pain that “Gigi S.” expresses over the rapidly increasing number of self-absorbed hipsters. It’s getting harder and harder to find a cafe that doesn’t have at least one person wearing a beret and “Golden Girls” status glasses ironically while typing away at what they claim is their novel. To be fair to Cafe Gratitude though, her description of “the perfect environment for broody individuals void of soul or compassion” could practically be applied to just about any cafe, at least in Los Angeles.

When You Don’t Want To Stay In A Room Someone Probably Died In…

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This review starts out on a bad note and only gets more tragic from there. “Sarah B.” seems intent on spreading the word that this particular Motel 6 is to be avoided at all costs…unless of course, you actively want to spend the night in a room that someone’s probably died in.

When You’re Sick of Finding Someone Else’s Hair In Your Food…

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Is there anything worse than finding a piece of someone else’s hair in your food? What about finding it three times in a row? There’s a reason chefs are required to wear hair nets, people. Having to give up an otherwise good restaurant because of this problem is simply tragic.

When You Put Up With Bad Food Just For The Hoochie Mama Bartenders…

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This review is almost artistic in it’s simplicity. With a couple of tweaks it could almost be considered a haiku. “Robert J.” clearly has his priorities straight though. Putting up with the stench of an old dirty basement is totally worth it for the “hoochie mama” bartenders, right?

When You Have To Change Your Sign To Be Honest…

When You Have To Change Your Sign To Be Honest…

Technically that sign is supposed to read “People Love Us On Yelp” and is a badge of honor that Yelp gives to companies based on their history of great customer ratings. Clearly something went very wrong with this business though. Do they get extra points for being so brutally honest? We’ll let you decide.

When You Want To Give Your Doctor A Pair Of Gloves…

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To be honest, “Ken M.” of Port Matilda, Pennsylvania does not provide nearly enough information in this review. For example, was it just one of the doctor’s fingers that was cold? And shouldn’t they technically be wearing gloves anyway, negating the coolness of their hands?

When You Know Better Than To Insult The CIA…

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Apparently it’s true that everyone has a Yelp page these days. Clearly “Roo M.” (if that’s even his real name) knows what’s up though, and isn’t about to give them a reason to follow him. Who would have thought that the CIA would have a kids page! Special Agent Cody Banks, that’s who.

When You Probably Shouldn’t Be In Charge Of Your Kid…

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We’re all for a good beer festival as much as the next person, but we’re really hoping this review is more of an exaggeration than an accurate description of what happened. Either way, we feel incredibly bad for the child described in this story.

When You Believe In The Torta Almighty…

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This particular reviewer seems to have had an almost spiritual experience at this eatery. We can’t blame them though, as we too believe in the Torta almighty as well as putting lime juice on our tacos. Sadly, we have no other clues as to where exactly said spiritual experience occurred, other then the fact that appears to be listed under “Choose Your Own Adventure, Ethnic Eats in Houston.” Fascinating.

When You Aren’t Into the Cockroach Cabaret…

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Based on this review, The Silver Skillet restaurant sounds like a cliche that you would find in a low-budget horror movie. Having said that, not even $50,000 and an episode of Fear Factor could make us want to put up with roaches dancing across the table.

When They Won’t Let Your Pet Giraffe In…

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This is another review that starts off normally enough, only to devolve quickly. Someone out there on the wide world of the web decided to include in their review a list of incredibly strange expectations to have of a restaurant. While it actually would be fairly convenient to have a gym in a restaurant to work off all of the carbs you just ate, having a giraffe or tiger inside would probably lead to finding fur in your food and having to yell across the table to be heard over the animal noises. Really, who wants to go to that much work?

Or Your Pet Lion…

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Whoever “Joshua N.” is, we really hope he was able to eventually get his pet lion the dental work he clearly so obviously needs. Isn’t there an old  joke out there about taking your pet lion to the dentist? We’re guessing it doesn’t end well for the dentist.

When You Wont Let “Godfather” Tactics Intimidate You…

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Who knew leaving a Yelp review could be so dangerous! Clearly the bosses at Botto Bistro take their reputation seriously, but “Chris O.” is not about to back down from voicing his opinion. We’re not entirely sure what “Take the gun leave the cannoli” means, but frankly, we’d much rather just take the cannoli.

When Pizza Ruins Your Social Life…

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We’ve all been there: You discover a new restaurant whose food is so delicious, it’s all you can think about. “Gary F.” fell into this common foodie trap. Do you really need a social life when you can have an amazing slice of pizza though? We think not.

When You’re More Focused On Describing What You Were Wearing…

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Most people focus solely on food taste and quality when writing a review of a restaurant. Not “John B. of New York, though. He’s more focused on providing background details for the audience of his review, to really give them the full mental picture. We’re not entirely sure what it means to figuratively describe someone as “extremely tall,” or if it’s actually an insult, but we’ll let that one slide.

When You Just Can’t Get Anything You Need…

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“Victor H.” of Union City, California doesn’t make is clear exactly what kind of company he is reviewing, but it’s clear is that he’s been disappointed by them. Was he hoping to pick up an iPhone while doing some light grocery shopping? Or did he walk into an Apple store, expecting to find groceries. We’ll never know.

When You Hate Chipotle and McDonald’s Equally…

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While Chipotle isn’t exactly known for being the most authentic Mexican cuisine, this reviewer takes this criticism to the next level by comparing it to a Mexican version of McDonald’s. Or maybe there really was a Ronald McDonald clown in a mariachi uniform at this particular Chipotle. It’s hard to tell.

When You Blame A Company For Gravity…

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While “Curt C.” clearly has an active imagination, he does raise some rather good points. For example, why can’t you use cheeseburgers as a topping for pizza? And why do restaurants always seem to frown upon bringing your exotic animal pet onto their premises?  These are the real questions we need answered.

When You Feel Duped By All Of The Hype…

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Poor “HavntSlept” of New York, New York clearly feels bamboozled. Apparently she found the nine months of buildup surrounding the production of offspring to be completely inaccurate. No word on what company’s page she left this review on, but here’s hoping someday in the future her kid will stumble upon this page.

When You Recognize The Dark Force of McDonald’s…

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There have been rumors circulating for years that McDonald’s was secretly bent on controlling the world with their nuggets and McFlurrys. “Dag N.” of Texas seems to have stumbled upon some kind of proof that this is the case, although he does seem to be fully in support of this plan. No word on when they’ll set their sites on taking over the rest of the universe together.

When The Waiter Asks If You Want A Side With That…

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The experience that “Desiree C.” had in this restaurant seems to have started off normally enough. Then things appeared to have taken a turn towards the sinister. Maybe the waiter genuinely thought he was being helpful? While we give him extra points for creativity, the only shape we want our fettuccine formed into is one massive ball so we can inhale it more quickly.