Christmas songs are meant to make you feel jolly and excited about the holiday season. But these songs are just downright creepy! These are the top weirdest Christmas songs of all time.
Sexualizing Christmas is one of the worst things modern music has done to a holiday which is supposedly about being nice to each other. “Santa Baby” is a song about a woman who asks Santa for rings, diamonds, and other expensive gifts in exchange for what we can only assume is herself.
Nothing like a Christmas song about asking for a sugar daddy. The song is uncomfortable because it makes it seem that all women really want for Christmas are material items and things that come with a price tag. Christmas isn’t about using your femininity for presents, it’s about hanging out with the people you love. This song is simply as un-feminist as you can get.
“Coventry Carol” might seem like a completely normal Christmas carol, but it has a rather shady origin story. The song first appeared in a Biblical play which reenacted the mass murder of innocent children, when Herod the king tried to kill Jesus. This play was very famous during the pre-modern England era, because it helped tell a Biblical story many people didn’t know.
Plays during this time were also extremely important because many people didn’t know how to read the bible or read in general. The Christmas song itself took place during a funeral scene in the play, which isn’t very holly jolly at all.
“Let It Snow”
Why are so many Christmas songs about kissing? “Let It Snow” is a very popular modern-day carol which is about avoiding winter climates in order to get in some loving. The problem with this song is that it tries to be over-the-top romantic, when in fact it’s just plain creepy. The song details that singer doesn’t want to go out into the cold after they kiss their partner.
Not only is this uncomfortable, but the song details non-consensual action. “Let It Snow” is meant to just reflect the climate during the winter, but it comes up short. The song is too sexual, and also uses the excuse, “well you can’t leave because it’s snowing outside.” Creepy, and sends a dangerous message.
“I Wonder As I Wander”
The song “I Wonder As I Wander” tries to play itself off as being a religious ditty, but it’s definitely just plain creepy. The song is written by composer John Jacob Niles, who wrote the song while visiting an Appalachian family. The daughter of this family kept singing three lines of this song, over and over again.
Niles tried to make the girl sing the entire song by bribing her with a quarter, but the girl refused. Instead of trying to learn more of the song, Niles decided to use the melody the little girl was singing to write “I Wonder As I Wander.” Not only was this Christmas song plagiarized, but the writer tried to steal it from a little girl with a quarter. Creepy.
“The Twelve Days Of Christmas”
“The Twelve Days of Christmas” is one of the most iconic Christmas songs of all time, but it misses the entire point of Christmas. The holiday of Christmas symbolizes the birth of Jesus, who focused solely on living a life without material wants. The song itself is ONLY about receiving gifts from your loved one, instead of talking about being thankful for having a loved one.
The song also mentions, “nine ladies dancing,” which is the gift that is given to the singer on the ninth day of Christmas. Nine ladies dancing is an inappropriate gift to want because it alludes to exotic dancers, but also no one should ever be receiving ladies as presents. This song is too archaic to be so famous these days.
“Here We Come A Wasailing”
“Here We Come A Wasailing” is one of the most famous British Christmas carols of all time. The story behind the song details a group of carolers who are visiting door to door singing songs of good cheer. The song also asks the people listening to the carolers to offer up coins or drinks in exchange for a good Christmas tune. But, the song’s origin isn’t as wholesome.
During the feudal era in England, carolers who would visit their lords manor would receive free handouts, such as bread or wine. This action is closely compared with people who play guitar on the subway today, offering up their song for a few coins. This act of begging should not be the subject of a Christmas song.
“All I Want For Christmas Is You”
The song “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is one of the most famous modern Christmas carols, sung by Mariah Carey. The song is incredibly popular due to its cute and upbeat tune, which can translate well among young listeners. But the real problem with this song isn’t its tune, it’s its lyrics.
The song details how the singer only wants one thing for Christmas, which is “you.” If you think about it, the object of her affection should be pleased, but it’s just downright creepy. Christmas presents should not ever be people! The song tries to be romantic and adorable, but just comes off as creepy and over-the-top stalkerish.
“I Saw Three Ships”
“I Saw Three Ships” is one of the most analyzed and researched Christmas carol because of how confusing it is. The song was originally thought to detail the arrival of the three kings to Bethlehem to look at and greet Jesus.
But, the real meaning of the song is to describe the arrival of the three kings’ skulls to the port of Germany. The Cathedral in Cologne, Germany holds the skulls of the three kings today, and is proud of its containment of the bones of the magi. This means that the song “I Saw Three Ships” isn’t about the birth of Christ, but about transporting human remains. That isn’t very fun at all!
“Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”
This one shouldn’t even be a Christmas song at all. Not only does this song graphically detail the murder of an old woman, but it makes light of it because it was by one of Santa’s reindeer. The song itself details how after eating a huge meal, grandma was struck in the head by a reindeer’s hoof outside of her house, killing her instantly.
The song doesn’t really give you that warm and fuzzy feeling while listening to it. “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” also states that the husband of “grandma” wasn’t even fazed by her death. The grandpa in the song is said to just drink beer and play cards after the death of his wife. This song is so offensive, even if it does prove that Santa does really exist.
“Baby, It’s Cold Outside”
This song is often referred to as “rapey,” which will give you some indication of how bad and offensive the lyrics are. The entire song is an ongoing dialogue between a male and female, who are fighting about whether or not the women will go home. The man refuses to let the woman leave, offering her a drink, telling her it’s too cold outside, and taking her coat.
The woman states that she has to get home over and over again, while the man keeps on telling her no. This song is a perfect example of not giving consent and how men should understand women’s boundaries. Even though this song masquerades as a Christmas carol, it proves that men need to learn what the word “no” means.
“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”
Infidelity should not be the basis for a Christmas song, or any song in general. The song details a little child who sees him mom kissing Santa Claus. Even though the child thinks that the mother is committing adultery, listeners realize that Santa Claus is just the father in dress up. No adultery has been committed, but this song is really messed up.
Children should never question whether or not their parents are having an affair with a fictional fat bearded man. The song makes light of the mother’s actions, even convincing listeners she is just making out with whoever is downstairs. Also, the child never questioned where his father was or made the assumption, “maybe it’s dad?” The song is just one big confusing joke about infidelity.
“Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”
This song isn’t as up-front as some of the other songs, but it’s just as creepy. The idea that Santa Claus is watching our every single move to see if we are constantly doing the right thing is cause for some serious anxiety. Teaching your children that a giant fat man from the North Pole is watching them kind of paints Santa as a pedophile.
This song proves that the entire concept of Santa is to scare children into doing good things and behaving for fear that a large man will call them “naughty” if they mess up once. The concept of having a “stalker” or someone who “sees you when you’re sleeping” is actually pretty terrifying.
“Nuttin’ For Christmas”
The title of this song is just terrible enough to land the song on our list. The song, “Nuttin’ For Christmas” is a song about a child who is not going to receive any presents for Christmas, but the title of song specifically references another action. The song is a play on words to try to make you think of something extremely sexual. The song also details all of the bad deeds the child did to receive nothing for Christmas, and all of these actions are really terrible.
The lyrics state, “I broke my bat on Johnny’s bed, Somebody snitched on me, I hid a frog in sisters bed, Somebody snitched on meI spilled some ink on mommy’s bed, I made Tommy eat a bug, Bought some gum with a penny slug, Somebody snitched on me.” This child definitely doesn’t deserve anything for Christmas.
“Do They Know It’s Christmas?
“Do They Know It’s Christmas” was a huge charity song created by Bob Geldoff and the organization Band Aid. The song’s revenue went directly to trying to help African hunger and world poverty.
Even though this is all amazing and is true to the holiday the spirit, the song’s lyrics aren’t as politically correct as some people would want. Bono, who was featured on the song sings the lyrics, “Well tonight thank God it’s them, instead of you.” Those lyrics reflect that the song is giving thanks that we are not the people affected by world hunger, and that Bono is almost happy poverty has hurt someone else. This isn’t a very charitable outlook.
“Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer”
This song isn’t terrible, but it definitely leaves the wrong message to young people. The song, and movie in particular, convey the message that its only okay to be different if you are useful. Rudolf’s red nose is only approved by Santa after it becomes helpful, even though he should have just been accepted anyways.
“Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer” proves that in the past and in modern day music, being different isn’t as great as it seems. Those reindeer should have let Rudolph play reindeer games, even if he couldn’t have helped Santa through the fog.
“The Christmas Shoes”
“The Christmas Shoes” is one of the saddest songs to ever be written. It details the story of a young child who is in a shop at Christmas trying to buy a pair of shoes for his mother. The little boy tells the shop owner that his mother is dying, and that she is going to see Jesus tonight.
Even though the boy doesn’t have enough money to buy the shoes, the shop owner gives him the pair because of his mother’s condition. The song is a real tear-jerker, and does convey what Christmas is all about. Even though it’s not an inappropriate song, it’s just extremely sad. This song is only good for when you need a really good cry, or if you want to remember how great you might have it this Christmas season.
Justin Bieber should never make Christmas music and this song is the reason why. “Mistletoe” is one of the most uncomfortable Christmas songs ever, which is about Justin Bieber trying to get his girl with him under the mistletoe.
The idea of kissing under the mistletoe with someone you love is adorable, but being forced to kiss someone under the mistletoe is awkward and just plain wrong. Justin Bieber’s creepy song is way too forceful and illustrates that no means no, even when it comes to the Biebs. Romantic Christmas songs should be romantic, but should also be consensual.
“The Chipmunk Song”
Now, even though this song is appropriate for children, it’s just downright annoying. The Chipmunks were first created in 1958 under the novelty name, Alvin and The Chipmunks. The group was only supposed to make one album for a joke, but caught on with their high squeaky voices.
“The Chipmunk Song” is actually entitled, “The Chipmunk Song Christmas Don’t Be Late.” The song is about how Alvin and his brother, Theodore and Simon, don’t want Christmas to be late, because they want to get their presents. These brothers are ungrateful and throughout their history have given their father Dave some serious trouble. The song is always overplayed and just way too high pitched.
“Don’t Shoot Me Santa”
The title of this song should just be a given when it comes to what Santa should and shouldn’t do. The song “Don’t Shoot Me Santa” was released by ultra rock band The Killers in 2006. The “carol” is about a man who comes in contact with a Santa who has a gun, and the man tries to convince Santa not to shoot him.
The song is metaphorically about a child who doesn’t want Santa to hurt him for his wrongdoings, and Santa is representing a shooter. The proceeds of the music video and the song itself went to AIDS research. Even though the song was released for charity, the lyrics are way over the top metaphorical and do not reflect the Christmas spirit at all.
Anything By TSO
TSO, or Trans Siberian Orchestra, is a classical rock group that plays Christmas music. However, their music is confusing and uncomfortable because of its “rock classical” sound. The sound comes off as cheesy and incredibly ove- the-top ridiculous. The performances by this group are also too much, leaving audiences asking, “what did I even just watch?”
Fans of this Christmas show are also intense. One woman who was attending a TSO was escorted out of the venue for getting so drunk and falling asleep on the person in front of her. Let’s just keep the Christmas music light and jolly, shall we?