Look, I understand that we’re living in the future. Cars can talk to you, planes have wifi, and you can carry the internet in your pocket. These are all wonderful examples of how progress can improve our lives.
Some things are just best left alone, though. Some things don’t need improving. Burgers? Those babies are flawless. MIlkshakes? We perfected those in the ’50s. Get out of here with your new food trends. Keep reading to see food so OTT it’s making our collective stomach hurt. That’s right, we have a collective stomach. It’s the future.
This Burger With A Mac & Cheese Bun
How do you even hold a burger like this? Would the mac and cheese not burn you and make your hands extremely greasy?
This makes me so uncomfortable. I feel like the “bun” would just totally fall apart and make a huge mess. I feel this needs more sauce to it too.
Flaming Hot Cheetos Cupcake
There is an actual cupcake store called Sprinkles Cupcakes that is selling Flaming Hot Cheetos cupcakes. I’ve heard of sweet and sour, and even sweet and salty, but never sweet and flaming hot Cheeto.
This monstrosity is vanilla sponge filled with crushed Cheetos, topped with white cheddar icing and Cheeto crumbs. Anybody else feeling nauseous?
You’re Going To Need A Really Long Spoon
Is this the milkshake that never ends? It goes on and on my friends. Somebody started making it not knowing what it was, and then they kept on stacking it forever just because…
This is the shake that never ends. It goes on and on my friends. Somebody…
The Sweetest Burrito
This is a cotton candy burrito filled with ice cream and cereal pieces topped with sprinkles. My teeth hurt just looking at this.
Doesn’t cotton candy sort of dissolve when it gets wet? Isn’t ice cream sort of wet? This whole idea just doesn’t seem very practical.
I’m sorry, but did somebody ask for spaghetti to be made into a doughnut shape? I don’t remember ever asking for this. Spaghetti was perfectly fine the way it was.
Doughnuts were perfectly fine the way they were. This doesn’t seem like a relationship that’s going to last.
Because I Really Want Greasy Egg On My Hands…
If somebody gave me eggs, hashbrowns, and cheese on a plate, I would be perfectly happy. Those are all delicious breakfast foods.
If you refuse to give me a plate and force me to hold all of those foods in my hands, we’re going to have a problem.
They were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should. Have you ever been eating regular old hummus and thought, wow, this is good, but do you know what would make it better? Brownie batter.
No, you haven’t, because nobody has.
Extra Pepperoni Please
When you ask for extra pepperoni, this pizza place really delivers. I’m a little bit ashamed to say that this actually looks delicious.
It only looks delicious to my mouth, though. My esophagus is screaming right now. Does anybody have any Tums?
Wait, What Were They Before?
I think this is the very definition of redundant. Oreos are already cookies with cream. I don’t need more cookies in my cream in the center of my cookies.
Go home, Oreos. You’re drunk. Keep reading to see an ice cream taco that’s too big for just two hands.
This is just a cake on a shake. This is two desserts. Whoever is trying to sell this as one dessert is lying to all of us.
There are like 3000 calories in this one picture. How is anybody supposed to eat that cake without a plate and a fork?
Since When Is A Whole Avocado A Bun?
Is there even a way to eat these without making a huge mess? Avocados are delicious, but they’re also mushy, and they don’t really work as a bun.
Give me a plate, a knife, and a fork and I’ll demolish one of those, but I’m not going to walk around during cocktail hour holding one in my hand.
Taco Tuesday The Wrong Way
I don’t know, maybe you think this is doing taco Tuesday the right way. There’s just way too much going on here.
Roulade ice cream in a waffle taco topped with some sketchy looking white stuff and berries and whipped cream? It’s a mouthful just to describe this thing.
Doughnuts, But You Have To Do All The Work
Apparently, the more you pay, the less the chef bothers to do for you. Just one of these doughnuts costs five dollars and fifty cents.
The flavors do sound delicious (Apple Berry Cream Cheese, come on), but I could do without the gimmick and the hefty price tag.
Rocks Or Potatoes?
This Michelin starred restaurant serves rocks next to potatoes painted to look like rocks just to mess with you.
I don’t understand why this is a thing. Why is it hip and artsy to serve people food that isn’t food? And how many people have bit down on a rock and had to take a trip to the dentist?
This Pizza Burger Is Making Me Uncomfortable
This is a little bit stupid, and I think I would rather eat my pizza and burger separately, but I can see this being pretty ok if you just flip over the top bun.
Never grip the cheesy part of the pizza. That’s what crust is for. Keep reading to see the food of the future— a dystopian future that is.
Where Would You Even Start?
Who doesn’t want to eat a ton of chocolate really fast before their ice cream melts? Oh, I know, me!
This is not a good handheld dessert. Maybe I could see it as something you would share with four friends at a restaurant. Cthulhu did not die for this.
The Ring Of Fire
This burger has a burnt cheese skirt, and I can’t tell if I love it or hate it. Technically, it’s cheese, so it has to be good.
However, it does make getting to the actual burger a bit more difficult. I think I would appreciate a smaller ring of cheese.
We Want Plates!
This San Francisco restaurant serves truffles plated on iPads playing a video about truffle hunting dogs.
This doesn’t even look appetizing. It’s hard enough trying to eat around a child, but if there’s a game under my dessert, they’re definitely getting their hands on it. Can I just have my truffles on a normal white dessert plate, please? This isn’t the future I signed up for.
Who Has A Mouth This Big?
I think what I love most about this burger is the token piece of lettuce on the bottom bun. That lettuce is nothing more than a gesture, a symbol of how far we’ve descended.
Is it wrong that I feel a little bit hungry now?
This actually looks pretty delicious, but I don’t think I’m into the whole syringe trend. For some reason, I just don’t find medical equipment appetizing.
Also, her sticky hands are making me nervous. Nobody better come close to me with those sticky hands.