Getting through a groggy Monday that’s filled with crappy traffic can only mean one thing — making a #GettingOldMeans Tweet from the good people of Twitter. Apparently, everyone has something to say about this ordeal.
By adulthood, you should have understood that old people go to bed early, their hangovers last for more than one day, and they complain about everything. If that’s not a reality check for you, I don’t know what is.
1900 Shouldn’t Be An Option
I’ve always wondered about that. Is it there just in case someone over 100 years old might need new slippers on Amazon?
I hate the ones that you have to scroll all the way back through month by month until you get to the year, date, and month. Who has that kind of time?
It’s Sad But True
You’re lucky if you don’t have one, to begin with. We all have that one friend who could scarf down a medium pizza on their own and not gain a single pound.
Meanwhile, I might eat a donut and my pants are at a slight risk of splitting open.
When It’s Not Teen Mom
I remember one of the first times that my friends were having kids. Not going to lie, I was shocked, so I said: “Oh, well, what are you going to do?”.
The couple then looked at me weird and said “What do you mean? We’re married and have a house.” From that moment on, I realized this wasn’t anything like Teen Mom from back in high school. Do you remember when somone respectfully called you by the three or four-letter word that might have upset you? The reality behind that is still on the way.
Lock The Door, The Kids Can Fend For Themselves
Your kids don’t need you in the morning. If they can get out of bed and make breakfast without causing a fire, there’s no need for you to be worried at all.
Take the time to yourself because you deserve it before having to cater to your kids all day long.
Just Arm Wrestle Your Daugther, That Should Settle The Argument
I’m on team Jay-Z, simply because his music was around when I was a kid. For Cardi B, she’s talented and all, but she’s not my style I guess since she’s in a different generation.
If you get into an argument about music with your parents, make sure you have facts to drop.
Even If You Get Called Sir, You Know The Feeling
Do you remember the first time this happened to you? It must have felt really weird, and it probably caught you off guard too.
To be honest, it’s not that big of a deal. When you were younger, you probably did the same thing to someone older than you. Having back problems is the worst. The next one ahead won’t be for anyone who has to bend over or teach their kids how to ride a bike.
The Best Feeling In The World
I remember very well when I used to beg my parents to stay up 20 more minutes and so on.
When you’re older, it’s a little different because most people just want time to themselves. That time to yourself means more quality time with some website called Netflix.
It Gets Worse When It’s Played At The Grocery Store
Sometimes, you just have to appreciate the era you grew up in. Everyone has different tastes in music.
So, don’t be shocked if you hear Nirvana or Alanis Morisette on a radio station for an older demographic. However, if you hear Queen in the elevator, go ahead and start crying.
There’s Back Aspirin For That
If you have back problems, this is kind of similar to teaching your kid how to ride a bike.
The worst thing that could happen to your back would be jumping around on a bouncy castle. But you know better than to do that because if you do, you’re going to have a hard time moving the next morning. Don’t worry, there’s something coming up that’s eerily similar to this. If you hurt everythere, you know what’s up.
The Early Bird Gets The Early Worm
The earlier you have your dinner, the more free time you have in the evening. I mean, if you want to eat 4:30 like your grandparents, you could, but you’re going to get hungry later on.
For me, after work, it’s prepping dinner around 5:30 and eating by 6:30. That way, I have time to shower and kick back to watch some Netflix.
*Sits Infront Of TV With A Tub Of Ben And Jerry’s Ice Cream*
It’s no different than staying up late to watch the Golden State Warriors, but everyone knows they’ll get the win anyways.
Sometimes, this is okay to happen since it probably means you were up off your butt all day and being productive. This is your reward after a long day of completing errands.
Because Everything Hurts
Oh my, this hits home. While you’re just sitting catching up on some Netflix, and suddenly everything hurts.
When you get up to get a snack, your body will ache but there are remedies to deal with the pain. Just have a bath, it will relax you and the muscles. Just ahead, if you have more doctors than relatives, it kind of counts as a family reunion.
That Might Mean You’re Not Going To The Party
Welcome to the club. where you say “yes” to attending a party for two weeks and when the day comes, you don’t want to go.
We’ve all been there before and it won’t be the last time it happens. It applies to me because if I’m in my bed on a Saturday afternoon, I’m napping for like three hours.
Pizza Vs. Drinking Tequilla
The old you was coming home in the middle of the night and going to the bathroom to puke. These days, you’re going to the loo to release whatever toppings you had on your pizza from Dominos.
To me, waking up to the use bathroom in the middle of the night is better when you’re sober and you can go back to sleep if you have nothing planned the next day.
When You Have More Doctors Than Relatives
Well, at least you know that going to the doctors is better than a family reunion. Wait, what am I saying, it is like a reunion. You walk into the doctor’s office, sit there until your name is called.
Then, you see your doctor, have your checkup, and the doctor says “everything is good, see you in six months.” That’s less annoying than hearing stories from your Uncle Doug. After a long and exhausting day, the best feeling in the world is still on the way. Hint: it has to do with wearing comfortable clothing.
This Is Your Life Now
If you drank on Saturday night and you’re still feeling it on Monday, this applies to you. As much as this is real talk for all old people, it’s a harsh reality.
With that massive headache, take all the Advil and Gatorade your body can handle. Also, don’t forget to eat, that’s VERY important when you’re still drunk.
To The Kids Driving Fast Through The Neighborhood
I had a neighbor who did this. There were these kids that lived at the end of our street, then one day, they decided to be “cool” by driving up and down our street like they were in The Fast and the Furious.
Our neighbor caught them the one time and he didn’t mind telling their parents because he was very good friends with them. After that, we never saw him drive on the street again.
With New Socks? It’s A Great Feeling
Changing from your regular clothes to fresh new pajamas and socks is an exciting feeling.
Not only are you going to feel fresh, but if you manage to have clean sheets, it’s the best of both worlds. If you don’t believe me, try it out yourself. You might get a good sleep for once.
You Should Do Their Job
Let’s face it, anyone can do the job of a meteorologist. However, the weather does play a factor as you get older.
Like, one day it’s all sunshine, rainbows, and lollipops, then the next day, it’s raining so now you have to pop some Advil. With so many body pains thanks to mother nature, I hope everyone feels better ASAP.
Why Are You Here?
Don’t you hate it when your mind just leaves you blank for five minutes? You have so much on the go that the little things just slip away.
I could say that you’re cleaning the house and forgot that the room was cleaned. However, if this happens more than once in a day, you should start taking notes of when you were in the room.