Can we just get a huge round of applause for the internet and all of its glory? Once again, it wins. This time that win comes in the form of people wondering what it was like when something we see as common happened for the first time, and how that came about.
Like, what were the circumstances that made someone want to eat an egg after it just came out of a chicken’s butt? Who decided to scramble it? Make it over-easy? Sunny-side up? These are questions that the internet asked and we hope you enjoy it as much as we did.
Do Almonds Have Nipples?
This is a serious question that has confused me for so long. How do you milk an almond?
I want to see that process take place. That person’s friend must’ve thought that they were crazy for trying to milk the, uh, nipples of an almond. The joke is on them, I guess?
These Are The Questions That Need To Be Asked
What maniac looked at a sword and thought that it would be a solid idea to try to shove it down their throat?
Maybe it was a medieval times party trick that the court jester would break out when his head was about to be chopped off. I have absolutely no theories as to how this happened.
“Duck For Cover”
I would pay money to be a fly on the wall to see the first person figure out what popcorn is.
I’m assuming it would start with being startled and quickly transition into a panic. The scene probably looked a lot like a gunfight and I’m all about it. Coming up, someone asks about the first time a parrot actually talked, and it has me shook.
Funny > Gross
At what point did farting go from being just plain gross to actually being funny? Was it a nervous laugh? Was it a genuine laugh at a squeaker sound that wasn’t expected?
Whoever it was opened the door to centuries of people air-pooping in public because they think it’s funny, so thanks.
They Ruined It For The Rest Of Us
This person should be shunned for life. They made the rest of us look like idiots when we take our date out to McDonald’s for the first time.
Can we also just talk about how difficult it is to walk on the sand for a long time? It’s physically taxing and uncomfortable. Not worth it in my books.
Polly Wants A Cracker
Now, this would be hilarious. That person must’ve thought that they had been drugged earlier on in the day or something.
Either that or they were convinced of an upcoming apocalypse or something. I just hope that Polly ended up getting that cracker that she asked for. Coming up, the question of how kissing on the lips came to be, and it’s exactly as uncomfortable as you would think.
The First Impatient Person Ever
If you’ve ever seen a New York City street, you’re aware of the pace that walkers have set, it’s tiring just to look at.
They walk at a speed that basically rivals a Ferrari. They’re vicious too. If you’re too slow, don’t be surprised if you end up getting body-checked from behind, because it can very well happen.
Go Through The Pain For The Gain
I understand that bees are dying at an unsustainable pace, but there’s no way in hell that I’m getting anywhere close to a bee hive.
The first person to investigate a hive is a true saint because they probably got viciously attacked. But, they also recognized the potential for honey and we have to be forever grateful for that.
Was It Natural? Was It Forced?
Why do we kiss on the lips and not the earlobe or the forehead? Why do we have to kiss on the lips where bacteria just sits there and collects like taxes.
The first person was probably really weirded out and confused. Even more important, who was the first one to use tongue? Yuck. How did hairdressing become a thing? We investigate just ahead.
Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures
Well, we can probably thank this person for making breakfast 1000 times more exciting. Eggs are the staple food choice for our first meal of the day.
Mad respect for the person who decided to take the leap of faith that would ultimately change humanity for the better.
The World Is Ending
While we see sunsets now as being beautiful and majestic because of the colors and the optics, that probably wasn’t always the case.
The first person to see the sun look like it’s literally disappearing was probably freaking out. Not to mention that they had to live in complete darkness for about eight hours after thinking the world was ending.
The First Ever Hairdresser
This person was not only a creative genius, but they also transformed the world of hairdressing.
Before this person started braiding their hair, the world was a boring place. Everyone probably had frizzy, tangled locks. What was the first name that actually stuck and how did it come to be? That’s coming up.
I Did NOT Sign Up For This
I can’t even imagine having twins if you prepared for them, never mind if you didn’t even know that it was possible to birth two babies at once.
The mom was probably convinced that she was either the next coming of Christ or an alien straight from Mars. There’s no in-between.
Thank God For His Bravery
This is probably the most important “first time” on this list. Without eating food, we would literally not be alive today. It’s science.
Whoever bit the bullet and threw some grass or plants down their throat just out of sheer curiosity is the real MVP of the human race.
What Did That Sound Like?
I would love to know what the first recognized name of the human race was. It’s probably like “uhhhhp gruup” or something like that.
I mean, I’m not going to lie, but I kind of like just making sounds and having that as a name. Uhhhhp gruup just kind of rolls off of the tongue. Coming up, a first-time one-liner that probably sent someone to the shadow realm and you won’t want to miss what it is.
The First Party Trick
Nowadays, party tricks are very popular, but there was a time when they didn’t exist at all.
Basically, the point of a party trick is to draw positive attention towards yourself by showcasing a weird skill that you have. The cherry stem knot has become very common amongst party-tricksters.
A Pointier Snout To Eat You With
I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in sticking around to figure out if I’m getting eaten by an alligator or a crocodile.
I don’t want to be halfway into the mouth of an alligator only to realize that its snout is bigger than a crocodile.
At one time, “I know you are but what am I?” was the most powerful one-liner in the world.
You could deflect absolutely anything directed towards you verbally and throw it right back at them. It would’ve had that person SHOOK.
They’ve Given A Lot Of False Hope To A Lot Of People
Whoever did this should stand up and take responsibility for their actions that have disappointed millions of people.
This maneuver is popular amongst young people who are destined to have something bad happen to them. But instead of taking any action, they just cross their fingers. Spoiler alert, it doesn’t work.