Donald Trump Socks
What better way to support our new president than with some hideous Donald Trump socks to enjoy this holiday season? Not only are you receiving one of the most infamous Christmas gifts of all time, socks, but they also have our least favorite person on them. Granted we wouldn’t like a pair of Hilary socks either, but that signature combover on these really adds a touch of disgust that’s perfect for the holidays.
As an added bonus, these could be absolutely perfect for your Secret Santa that you secretly cannot stand. Just picture their face when they see these.
Calendar (For This Year)
One of the dumbest presents we can receive is a calendar from the same year that is only good for the next week or so. How do people still continue to make this mistake? It’s beyond us. If you are going to get someone a calendar, which is already a pretty dumb gift considering we have them programmed into our smart phones, please make sure to get the next year so it can serve as a functional and useful gift.
We would consider this another perfect gag gift or white elephant present to make your friends scream with laughter as you guzzle down gallons of egg nog.
Just like on Halloween, we hate getting a pack of toothbrushes on Christmas. Do we need them? Yes. Does it make it convenient so we don’t have to go out and buy our own? Yes. But, does that mean that we want to unwrap a box all the while filled with hope and expectation to find a dumb old pack of toothbrushes? Definitely not. Especially an assorted one with different colors like we’re five years old, thanks mom.
The only thing we feel when we open a present this disappointing is “is she trying to tell me something? Should I be brushing more? Does my breath smell bad right now?” Basically the last things we should be thinking while opening presents under the tree. To all those who consider this a good gift, try again. Please.
Used Gift Cards
Oh how we love gift cards! The freedom of choice, the anticipation to choose our favorite things with free money at our favorite places! We could honestly kiss the guy that brilliantly came up with the idea of gift cards. But, how much does it suck when you find out that your parents, we mean Santa *cough cough* forgot to either put money on the card or gave you a used one.
There is no feeling like thinking you have $20 to spend and finding out you have $6.52 at the cash register. Isn’t that the worst? Thanks mom, thanks dad. You shouldn’t have. Really though.
Oh what great stocking stuffers canned goods make, said no one ever. What are we supposed to do with Chef Boyardee knowing what it does to our bodies? Are we just supposed to wait until we have a cold to enjoy our Campbells Chicken Noodle Soup?
Honestly, whoever thought that canned food was a good present must have invented the idea of the White Elephant exchange because it makes no sense to us. Although this food can be useful to us in the future, it is not exactly the ideal Christmas gift.
An Ugly Brooch
First of all, brooches are so eight decades ago and the only thing we associate these with is our grandmother’s vintage fashion sense. Although not a bad thing, a brooch is a bit superfluous as a gift considering how pricey they can get. Yes, they can be used to class up or add spice to outfits, but does that mean they are something we would go out and buy for ourselves?
Heck no, you will never catch us craving a good brooch shopping trip! Let’s save the brooch gifts for our dear aunts, grandmas and great grandmothers as the only generation that truly utilized them.
Justin Bieber Tickets
Okay, do we look like 13-year-old girls drooling over the fabricated abs of “teen sensation” Justin Bieber? No freaking way, dude. We actually have standards for our Christmas presents and although overpriced tickets to a Justin Bieber concert would give a 10-year-old a conniption, we are not on the same wave length.
However, if you insist on believing that we would ever enjoy this event, we would be happy to engage in the helpful activity of scalping to get some sweet dough on Craigslist for these invaluable pieces of laminated paper. Just don’t call us re-gifters!
Yes, everyone needs toilet paper but that does not mean we would enjoy pulling this type of tissue from our favorite tissue paper. Practical maybe, but we don’t think you will ever see an elated reaction from unwrapping toilet paper on Christmas Day.
We would hope on the one day that you have to show us how much you care for us in some type of gift form that it would not be translated into a roll or pack of toilet paper. If we were to read between the “plies” in this situation, we would assume you do not think too much of us. At least we have some tissue to cry with, thanks for that. Lol
Used Lotion/Body Spray Set
If you are ever lacking in the Christmas gift idea department for a woman in your life, Bath and Body Works is the staple go-to present we all are guilty of. But, have you ever received a used set of lotions and body spray?!
We have and there are no words for such a travesty. Not only did we not freak out when opening the set thinking that, of course, it was new, but imagine our reaction when we find out that you already used the “gift.” Keep the set for yourself next time and get us something that is at least new! Love, every girl ever.
A Beer Candle
Although this looks like a hilariously charming gift at first glance, try looking at it a few more times around the apartment and the present seems to lose its “class” a bit. For a beer drinker and lover, sure it could be a fun gag gift at a White Elephant shindig. But, honestly the more we look at this image, it kinda disgusts us.
Picture a “rager” of a night with your closest friends and waking up to a comforting migraine followed by trip after trip to the toilet to “dispel the waste.” Just as you think you couldn’t feel worse, you see it. That dang fake beer candle sitting there, mocking your uneasy stomach and, per usual, your immediate reaction is unfortunately taken out on the once pristine nature of your toilet bowl.
An Ugly Sweater
Granted it is basically tradition to attend at least one ugly Christmas sweater party during the season. But it is something different when you receive one under the tree. Most likely from a knitting-obsessed aunt with too much time on her hands, or a sweet grandmother who assumes you like the feel of scratchy wool against the surface of your skin, right?
It’s seriously the worst, especially when it’s not even a Christmas-themed piece of cloth since you have to pretend you wear it all of the time when they come to visit. Let’s start a boycott on all ugly sweater Christmas gifts, who’s in?
Okay yes, this is definitely by far the best looking and funniest Snuggie we have ever seen, but who wants a Snuggie for Christmas? Maybe if they made name brand ones that don’t make you look like major dorks, but so far no one has come close.
We would rather suffer in the open cold when reaching for the remote than wear something that looks like it was made for and by a gigantic toddler. Snuggies definitely top our list of worst Christmas gifts ever. To those that love theirs, we’re sorry but come on…
An LED Mood Ring
Remember mood rings? Back in the 90s when we thought tacky, gaudy jewelry that turned our fingers green was cool and acceptable? Yikes, well mood rings are back and in an even worse way. This time, so everyone can see, mood rings have adopted an LED light that projects your mood to the world, rather than just whispering it like before.
Imagine getting this present thinking that it was going to be a gift card to your favorite store or a piece of jewelry that you would actually wear in public. To all those that think this present is perfect for the holidays, be prepared to see the mood it puts us in while next to the tree.
Okay, no one really gets fruitcake anymore and it has basically become a long-running joke of the holiday season. But, could you picture unwrapping this disgusting “treat” on Christmas day? As the most hated cake in history of baked goods, what would ever make you think that we want this for Christmas, let alone at all?
Loaves of bread are delicious on their own, as are candied fruit, dried fruit and fresh fruit so let’s put a rest to this nasty holiday “pastry.” Unless we can use this to toss around in the annual holiday pigskin game, we do not want to see, hear about, unwrap or smell fruitcake. Have we made ourselves clear?
A Glow-In-The-Dark Toilet Seat
Not only is a glow-in-the-dark toilet seat tacky and seemingly unsanitary, but it is not the place for light. After a rough night, the toilet turns from merely useful into our best friend that is the only one that understands how we feel. Imagine wanting complete darkness in your hours of need to open your eyes to a black lighted toilet seat beaming in your face, blinding you and revealing the splattered truth of your night-before antics.
Not to mention that when we open this, we think we are receiving a regular toilet seat until you make the big reveal that just happens to mortify us even further. Thanks for this one, we really needed it. Not.
Okay this can be a useful gift for women, but we just don’t get when boys get these under the tree. Even receiving this in front of your brothers and dad can be embarrassing and although it may be hilarious to you, egos are stake here! Even the “brilliant” idea of using this as a box to conceal some gift that has nothing to do with it is embarrassing by the way.
As for girls getting these under the tree, they are more appropriate as stocking stuffers to reduce the amount of attention that we get compared to when opening the gifts under the actual tree. Keep that one in mind moms!
Spray On Hair
Even for the baldest person, this is just cruel to get as a gift. As if they weren’t embarrassed enough by their “receding” hairlines, spray on hair is something that could possibly send them “over the top.” See what we did there? Lol!
But on a serious note, never consider this a gift. Why not a beanie, hat, golf cap or even a dang sombrero is less offensive than a spray paint can full of hair. Don’t be surprised if they end up graffitiing your chimney with the so-called present. Can’t really hold it against them… it was your idea after all.
Unless we ask specifically for batteries, never assume that they should be individually wrapped and counted as a present under the Christmas tree. Not only do we take this as a minor insult that you think that little of us, but chances are that you just found a brand new pack of batteries in the kitchen drawer and figured you would “beef” up the present count by wrapping them.
The only one that we assume would be flattered by a gift like this would be the Energizer bunny and even though we resent him for his everlasting energy we could really use, we don’t see batteries the same way the hare does.
As a somewhat clever gift for a college student or child that has just moved out of the house, a Shamwow does not exactly scream perfect gift to us. Despite how insanely impressed we are with their incredible ability to retain major liquid spills, it doesn’t mean that we have Shamwow at the top of our Christmas wish list, you know?
We understand that you raised us to clean up after ourselves, but we would never anticipate that we would be cleaning our messes with our Christmas presents. Normally those are what we are using to make messes! We’re going to officially rename this a Shamewow. Wow.
A Box Of Nothing
This is the 2016 version of coal; a box of literally nothing. Air if you will, we don’t recall asking for a box of air. We would rather you come clean and tell us that you “spaced” on getting something for us than opening a box of absolutely nothing. Now, if this is for a gag we are still not amused.
We spent so much of our free time coming up with ideas of things that you love most in the world and this is how repay us?! We would like to quote the great Stephanie Tanner of Full House now: “How rude!”