These Brutally Honest Restaurant Signs Are Setting The Bar High

Nowadays, advertising is all about capturing our attention and making someone stop, think, and laugh, and that’s exactly what the best restaurant and bar signs will do. Advertising companies spend millions crafting the ads that aren’t nearly as good at the phrase or drawing that these bartenders scribbled on a sign in minutes. Even a sign across the border is throwing shade at America to get people through their doors. These bar signs might hit a little bit too close to home, but that’s what makes them work.

Finally, A Helpful Yelp Review

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Authentic Thai food that’s also one of the best dining spots in D.C.? This sign has me sold.

And Alexa really hit the nail on the head with her comment that she’s probably “too white” for this Thai restaurant. Most Yelp reviews are just people complaining about service. This one is a bit different and possibly helpful.

I Didn’t Need Convincing, But It Worked

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I lose all my willpower when it comes to pizza, but apparently, there are some people out there who can stay strong and still need some convincing.

Even if you’re one of those unique human beings, this sign will change your mind right away. Lion King and pizza is the new Netflix and chill.

This Is Why You Can’t Take Cats Anywhere

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A lot of me think cats are Satan’s curse on the world, but this bar sign perfectly explains why cats are misunderstood. Cats aren’t trying to break everything we own. It’s just their way of relaxing after a long week of eating and sleeping.

At least you know this bar likely has an endless supply of whiskey.

It’s not just your neighborhood pub that gets in on the action, this bar across the border knows how to have fun.

This Soup Has A Little Too Much Salt

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Not only is serving the tears of your enemies sound way too salty but if its soup of the day then you’re going to run out quickly.

How many enemies does this restaurant have? Whoever wrote this sign must have some serious beef going on with all the nearby bars.

East Coast Represents

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It’s not the advertising that I ever thought Biggie Smalls would end up being used for, but it works surprisingly well. The rapper was known for being Notoriously overweight, so Biggie the Piggie isn’t the worst comparison you could make.

A nice lean pork chop with a twice baked potato can be pretty hypnotizing.

Texas Isn’t That Bad

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This bar sign found in Mexico shows America just how much the Mexicans know they can party harder. All that Cinco De Mayo stuff they do in America has nothing on Mexico’s year-round party atmosphere.

Why else would every college girl in America migrate there for a week each March?

This sign coming up reminds you of all the bad decisions you’ve made in your past life, and it works.

Galentine’s Day Mood

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Who needs a partner who eternally loves, supports, and respects you when you have wine? This sign is calling out to all the single millennials who can barely afford rent but can still afford wine at the bar.

Ladies, enjoy it while you can. Soon you’ll reach the age where drinking wine at 4 pm at the bar doesn’t make you look cute, it makes you look like a cougar.

Send That Beer Straight To Voicemail

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Beer is like that person you hooked up with at your friend’s birthday that doesn’t understand it was a one night stand. And your response is always the same.

You avoid the annoying texts all week until they call on Friday and you say “hey, it’s the weekend, why not?”

Dori Speaking The Harsh Truth

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Sometimes someone hits you with the stick of truth, and it hurts. When it comes to alcohol and bad decisions, I have roughly the same memory as Dori.

Yeah sure, let’s completely disregard the fact last time I did five Jägerbombs I texted my ex and ate a family size bag of Doritos.

The next bar sign is inclusive of dogs, but not of all people.

What About The Tall People With Low Standards?

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This bar sign starts sweet, turns savage, and ends with you standing there wondering why you’re excluded from something you don’t even want to be a part of.

Just because I’m tall doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to have free water like dogs and short people. Justice for tall people!

We’re All Homer Simpson On The Inside

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A lot of us want to think we’re nothing like Homer, but in reality, America loves The Simpsons because it’s eerily relatable. Just think about how many people reading this sign work a meaningless job to get by, and love coffee, beer, and cake.

This bar knew it had to tap into our deepest desires, and they did it perfectly.

Your Phone Is No Longer Your Bestfriend

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The world is attached to their phones, but drinking is the one time we really shouldn’t be. Even if you’ve managed to live a life without heartbreak and texting an ex isn’t your biggest fear, there are still so many things that could go wrong.

Like, what if you accidentally texted your mom for that booty call? This bar sign is kind enough to remind us all: glasses up, phone down.

This shop coming up knew the perfect way to get entitled millennials through their doors.

I Usually Don’t Like Croutons But…

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I’m not the biggest fan of croutons in salads. They are so hard you can’t even pick them up with your fork. But water croutons in whiskey soup is a different story.

This soup of the day sounds like the perfect Friday night dinner to finish off a long workweek.

Flashback to the Poetry Unit in Grade 9 English

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In all honesty, this bar sign could have been written by me. If a poem doesn’t rhyme, it doesn’t make much sense in my mind. I still don’t even know how many syllables are supposed to be in a haiku.

I’d go into this bar solely because they probably don’t understand Shakespeare.

Nobody Exists On Purpose, Except To Get More Tea

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What better way to attract a customer to your boutique tea shop than with a boutique reference?

David’s Tea is smart enough to know the way to get any millennial into your store is to make a Rick and Morty reference. Fans of the show love to brag about how only smart people will understand the humor. Typical millennials.

The sign coming up hits way too close to home, but somehow it works.

They Make A Very Good Point

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Okay, this sign is spitting some serious truth. I’m going to start basing all my friendships off of how long they can go without a drink.

Fact: dogs can last 4-5 days without water, but a cat can last almost two weeks. Coincidence that one is man’s best friend and the other is plotting to take over the world? I think not.

The Only Math That’s Useful In The Real World

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In life, basic math is really all you need to know. But what if you start throwing in variables? Will the unknown value of gin and tonics you’ll drink over the night effect when you crack your phone screen?

That’s when it gets confusing, and you have to bring out your phone calculator. Oh, wait, you might not have one by the fifteenth drink.

Ouch, The Truth Hurts

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Whoever wrote out this bar sign is having a severe existential crisis. Did their mom just admit that their older brother is actually the favorite? Life’s harsh, but this bar sign is harsher.

At least you know where to go if you’re looking for a place to go to complain.

Second Breakfast And A Pint Is The Original Brunch And Mimosas

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All those college girls who make fun of the “nerds” in their econ classes have no idea that their Sunday brunch tradition is just a rip off of Hobbit lore.

Hobbits call it second breakfast, but Chelsea from Kappa Beta Phi calls it getting an $8 fruit cup at 11 am after eating two Big Macs at 4 am on the way home from the bar.

This Is A Way Better Gift Than Frankincense

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Anyone who knows the story of Jesus’ birth knows that frankincense and myrrh were both awful gifts in comparison to gold. Nowadays, skip the symbolism and give the people what they want.

John, Johnny, and Jimmy are the heroes that baby Jesus truly deserved.

Free Beer For Nobody!

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You can’t blame this bar failing to get your attention. Most men would only need to read the part about free beer to storm the place. Anyone who finishes reading the sign might just turn an walk away.

Then again, customers love a good joke. This place deserves your business for making you laugh.

Science For The Win

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If alcoholics have one thing in common, they’re all just trying to justify their drinking. This bar sign makes a pretty good argument for it’s okay to chug away.

According to science, a solution is a mixture where one thing combines with another thing to form a brand new thing. So tequila and lime juice mix together to form a margarita. You’re welcome.

Technology Is Not Your Master

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Technology controls our lives. This sign reminds us of that, then reminds us to drink alcohol. Is it possible to drink and be social in today social media driven world, though?

The only way to find out is to step right up into this bar and discover what it’s like to talk to another human being again. In person!

Choose Your Own Adventure

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This choose your own adventure gives two options. You can enter the bar and drink. Or you can go the other way and deal with “real life.” I know what I’d choose.

Seriously, though, is real life that bad? You just have to work, pay bills, pay rent, convince your parents everything is fine. Okay, I’m going to the bar now.

Human MPG Is Impressive

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We all know miles per gallon matters when it comes to what car you’re going to buy. Did you know you can also use it to determine how much beer you drink? According to this sign, humans run on 41 mpg of beer a year.

Take that automobile industry! Now if only walking was so hard. It’s just easier to call a Lyft and have them drive you to the bar instead.

Beer As Cold As Your Ex

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Everyone loves a cold beer. Few things in this world are as refreshing. This place wants to you know that they have beer so cold, your ex would be impressed. So the beer is absolute zero you’re saying?

The good thing about cold beer is it won’t leave you sad and crying on the bathroom floor. It shouldn’t leave you sad or crying on the bathroom floor, that is.

A Not So Special Offer

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Like a good joke, this sign gets your attention, then surprises you with the punchline. Unlike a good joke, we don’t find this sign funny at all. No one wants to enter a pay and pay for all their drinks!

At least give me a free shot. Who am I kidding, unless there’s another bar next door, this is the best offer I’m getting.

No Sign Has Ever Been More True Ever

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There’s no way an Irish person would get mad at you for telling this joke. They’d probably pat you on the back and buy you a Guinness. Drinking is a way of life in Ireland, just like going to the beach is a way of life in California.

Neither hobby is very healthy in the long run. One gives you skin cancer, the other liver disease. Uh-oh, this took a dark turn quickly…

The Problem With Hipster Hamsters

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The person who wrote this sign really hates hipsters… we mean hamsters. To be fair, if a hamster walked into a bar with its sawdust bedding, I would leave the bar with some of my dignity still intact.

Really, though, this bar should have stuck to its anti-hipster guns. Everyone needs a getaway, and sometimes you just really need to get away from hipsters and their twiddly fingers, and vegan diets, and hairy faces. Are we talking about hamsters again?

A Convincing Argument

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If this sign doesn’t convince you to enter the bar then nothing will! Do you really want to risk being mauled by a bear when you could be enjoying an ice cold beer instead?

Maybe the risk is worth it. Take as many extra steps as you need to realize you made the wrong decision. This sign makes a better argument than I ever could.

Blame It On The Alcohol

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This sign might be cut off, but it’s clear this person is talking to alcohol. It’s true that we think we’re funnier and more charming when drunk. Is it really all alcohol’s fault?

Yes, it absolutely is. What else made you walk you to that person you had your eye on all night and make the worst joke possible to crack the ice? IT WAS ALL ALCOHOL’S FAULT.

The Truth About Bread Hurts

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This board has just told the most tragic story I’ve ever heard. Bread is delicious, but I would choose beer over bread any day. Except for maybe sourdough bread. With clam chowder in the middle.

Okay, now I’m hungry and thirsty. We really need more bread and beer shops. It would truly be the best of both worlds!

This Bar Will Never Close

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This bar is so popular someone tried to get in eight hours before it opened! That has to be a drunk record. Good thing this bar owner has a strong will and is refusing to let the crime keep him from making money.

Leaving the police line up adds intrigue for possible customers walking by, too. I know I’d stop if walking past the bar. And I don’t say that about every bar I see that’s been broken into!

Camel Crossing Not Allowed

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We don’t trust camels either. How do you even ride one? This is a bar that we’d go to without even looking at the prices. Some places just deserve your business.

We do wonder what it would be like to drink with a camel. The good thing is six out of seven days a week you’d have a designated driver. Still, they’re something shifty in their eyes that we don’t like.

How To Meet People In The Real World

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Before Tinder people met each other at bars. This lovely location would like you to try that again. Buy a drink and talk to someone. It’s way more fun than buying a drinking and staring at your phone.

Honestly, if you’re going to drink and scroll Twitter, save some money and do it home. It’s way easier and less socially awkward.

Sober Decisions Are Not Allowed

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This bar’s rules seem pretty cut and dry. You enter sober and you leave drunk. There are no two ways about it. Seriously, stop thinking about it. You’re too sober to be thinking.

Just remember when you wake up from a night of bad decisions that you and alcohol need to a have a chat!

Beer Counts As Soup Now

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Did you know beer counts as soup now? I am so excited about this news. I’m going to stop at the grocery store on my way home from the pub and buy a six pack soup!

This sign tells guys exactly what they want to hear. Just pretend beer is soup and call it a meal. You’ll get to sleep fast that way too! Seriously, you will!

Everyone Love Cheese!

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Everyone loves cheese. I feel terrible for anyone who can’t eat it! There is no love that between a person and their block of cheddar. Or brie. Or Swiss. Whatever you’re favorite cheese is, but a block and eat it tonight.

Cheese goes great with just about everything. Except for seafood. If you put American cheese on your baked salmon you should probably see a life coach.

It’s A Simple Question

The question seems simple enough. Would you rather walk in the rain, or go into the pub and drink a nice cold beer. Like the question about the bear earlier, this one seems like there is only one answer.

I am going into the pub until the rain dies down. Yes, even if it takes all night. I will not allow the rain to ruin my day!

No Luck For The Irish

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I have no proof if this is an Irish pub or not, but whoever owns it has zero luck. The weather report must not have been very promising that day. Unfortunately business is business and the sign must go out.

Now that the sign is out, the patrons must come in. That’s how running a bar works. When it rains hopefully enough patrons will be inside the bar enjoying their drinks and it won’t matter!