Where do we even begin with cats? They’re cute yet calculated, smart yet mischievous. While a dog will rip up your couch because it’s fun to do and there’s no malice involved, a cat will do the same thing for the perverse pleasure it feels by committing such an act.
Let’s be honest; cats have one goal and one goal only. This is to ensure that every human has a miserable life when they’re around cats. If cats were human, they’d be the sociopathic neighbor who continually crosses the line because they don’t care about your feelings. Cats are, unfortunately, intelligent and careful with every move they make. They have a purpose, and as you’ll see in this article, it’s not to benefit the human race.
Lack Of Christmas Spirit
Cats hate holidays, and they don’t care who knows. If you think the Grinch is a downer during the most fabulous time of the year, you’ve never had a cat.
No Christmas tree, big or small, is going to survive in the presence of this feline anytime soon. Our thoughts are with that little Santa, who was likely destroyed right after this picture was taken.
“My Cat Deleted All My Work”
If you have a cat, make sure that the power button on your computer isn’t accessible on the top of the tower.
Cats understand when it’s final exam season, or when you have a deadline approaching for a major project that you’re working on. They’re not afraid to do the modern-day version of “eating your homework” and are glad to shut down your document before you’ve saved it.
When You Don’t Give Him The Right Kibbles And Bits
They’ll go for your jugular and not feel any remorse. Cats are keenly aware of how dependent humans are on technology.
They understand the power of leverage, and this is a prime example of how they use it. If the cat doesn’t get the food that they wanted, you can rest assured that your brand new iPhone 8 will end up shattered on the floor within the next hour.
Furniture Is Overrated
When you have three beds, two couches, a love seat, and a cat cot it makes perfect sense that your feline would opt to sit down on the eggs.
But that’s just it. They know what they’re doing and they weigh the amount of damage they can do to you when they make any decision. The more damage, the better. No eggs benedict for you that morning.
Some Of Them Are Ninjas
The problem with cats is that they’re very nimble and quick. They can get to places that a human could only dream of reaching.
This makes them solid ninja assassins. Here is a rare photo of a cat about to pounce on its unsuspecting owner. That owner, by the way, hasn’t been seen since.
When The Mouse Runs Under The Door And You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do
Cats have a dedication that is unmatched. Let’s not forget that they’re little four-legged serial killers that will do whatever it takes to get their prey.
If this picture doesn’t give you nightmares, then I don’t know what will. This scenario is straight out of a horror movie, but what’s even worse is that this is a reality for many cat owners.
“Good Luck On That Date, Now”
People who don’t own cats always wonder why other people deal with their BS on a regular basis. The answer is simple: it’s a matter of life or death.
We guarantee you that this guy wouldn’t let his human friends take a whizz on his shorts. But since his cat did it then there’s no punishment because he would rather live another day.
The Lengths They’ll Go To Get Cinnamon Buns
From extensive scientific research, it seems that cats have a strong desire for cinnamon buns. It’s kind of a weird obsession for the species, but one that humans can use against their feline companions.
We talked about leverage earlier, and this owner is leveraging their cinnamon buns very effectively. By distracting the cat, this owner is buying himself more time to live. The more time this cat spends trying to get the treat, the less time he is plotting the homicide of the human race.
Spilling The Tea
The reason cats are going to be successful in removing every single human being from this planet is that they communicate well.
While we’re out here spilling the tea (or beans) on who Justin slept with last weekend, cats are busy communicating strategies about which pressure points can hurt the most on the human body. We need to learn cat language or we’re doomed.
They Have No Respect For Humans
They’re blatantly rude to their owners with no regret or hesitation. They play us like Travis Barker plays the drums, which is to say very well.
This cat is blatantly farting on this girl, and her face tells us all we need to know. This is the face of someone who is defeated and hopeless.
No Regard For The Things You Love Most
Newsflash: cats don’t care about your hobbies or your loves. They have no regard for any of the things that give us humans absolute bliss.
Not even the evilest serial killer would kill someone while they’re eating pizza, but that rule just doesn’t apply to cats. They’ll lay on a perfectly good pizza slice and have no problems falling asleep at night.
You’re NEVER Safe No Matter What
Just when you think that you can escape a cat, you’re proven wrong. They’re evolving and adapting to the world around them. For example, they’ve recently learned to open doors.
Another new development is being able to lock doors, which is terrifying. This is a crime scene picture that was leaked to the press after this cat crept into its owner’s room and committed an atrocious crime.
They’ll Not Think Twice About Backstabbing
There aren’t many pictures out there that give us photographic proof of a cat assault. This picture has been studied again and again by forensic investigators.
If you need to turn away from your computer really quickly, we understand. This picture is disturbing to see but it’s necessary. We need to know what cats are capable of.
They’re Just Not As Fun As Dogs
Why on earth would you choose to have a cat over a dog? Dogs are clumsy, cute, fun, they love you unconditionally and don’t have a murder plotted out for you.
Cats don’t do anything but sit and stare at you from the window sill, just waiting to pounce. This cat was brought out to have a nice walk, but instead it took control and said “NO WAY.”
“What Are You Going To Do About It?”
This is a classic look that our cats give us after they do something wrong. They know that we’re not going to discipline them so they live by their own rules.
“What are you going to do about it other than head to the closet, grab the broom, and sweep this up? Also, you need to feed me medium-rare salmon tonight or your beer case will be next.”
They Don’t Like Blondes
It’s not universally known, but cats don’t like blondes. The jury is still out as to why, but many believe it’s because they see blonde people as their biggest threat to world domination.
Cats saw the success of blondes like Paris Hilton and Ellen Degeneres and have taken notes. So if you’re blonde, be extra careful with your cat because it is definitely out to get you.
They Have Sharp Teeth And Are Not Afraid To Use Them
We need to be more knowledgeable about cats’ anatomy. While they might look like they can’t hurt a fly, in reality, they can rip open a mouse in a matter of seconds.
We cannot forget to remember that cats are basically domestic lions. We can only assume that their teeth can rip through the toughest body armor.
They Have A Vendetta Against Your Cleaning Supplies
As painful as it is to say, cats are smarter than us. They torture us by destroying items in the house but then sit there looking cute to get out of trouble.
This cat made an insane mess WITH THE CLEANING SUPPLIES. It destroyed the very tools we can use to clean up which should be very unsettling to anyone. For humans to prevail, we NEED to see right through cats’ cuteness and discipline when needed.
Terrorizing A City
The scariest part of this whole epidemic is that many people think that cats are only terrorizing their personal owners. That’s not true.
They are the “devils of the night” in many communities, committing crimes like stealing shoes from unassuming neighbors just for the fun of it. This is what cats do for entertainment. We need to wake up and realize how truly dangerous they are.
They Hate Music
Anyone saying that a world run by cats wouldn’t be that bad sure has it coming to them. Do you like music? Because cats sure don’t.
They’re currently in the process of de-stringing every guitar on this planet and doing so without anyone knowing. This is a news story that no one wants to report on because of fear of retaliation by the cats.