Most Absurd Fortune Cookie Messages You’ve Ever Seen

We all know that half the fun of getting Chinese food is knowing that you’ll get a fortune cookie at the end of it. They’re fun to read, share with your friends, or maybe even put it in your wallet as a motivational reminder. Well, unfortunately, these people got fortune cookies that make little to no sense or are even downright scary. Enjoy!

Um, Okay?

We don’t think that there’s any normal way to react after receiving a fortune cookie like this. Is it a bad omen or did you simply just get ripped-off out of a fortune? I guess that retry might be the right answer? That way you get another chance at getting the real fortune that you are owed.

No, It Wouldn’t Be

Okay, we see what you did there. Yes, we guess technically it would be ironic to die in your living room, but it would be no less ironic to be awake in your bedroom or take a shower in the bathroom. It’s all about perspective if you think about it.

Glad That You Made It Out Too

For some people, if they saw this, they might freak out and think that the cookie has become conscious and capable of thoughts and emotions. But for us, we think this would be the best fortune cookie that we have ever received. We’d probably frame it, to be honest.


Once again, this fortune cookie can mean totally different things depending on the person. For someone desperate for a reason to quit a sport it is a sign from God but for others getting over a recent loss, it could lead to some crying at the restaurant.

Quite, Sleeping Cookie

Yes, this is a pretty funny fortune cookie too, but we’re pretty sure that’s a piece of paper and not a cookie. Also, whoever took this picture could really use a manicure. Why couldn’t they take a picture of it on a table like a normal person? Inconsiderate.

How Romantic

To be honest, this fortune looks like it might have some dissociative disorder. We’ve seen some pretty odd fortune cookies so far, but this one is literally talking to itself in a romantic fashion. This would definitely be going in the shredder if I ever cracked a cookie open and saw this.

Oh Dear Lord

We’re not incredibly superstitious over here, but this is just plain creepy. Getting this out of a fortune cookie would have anybody watching their back for the next few hour hours. Everybody usually laughs while opening up fortune cookies! What’s waiting for me at home!?


To anybody that is constantly reminded by people around them that they look like a muppet, this fortune would really hit close to home. Anybody that got this would be smart to throw it away as quickly as possible because if anyone were to see it, you might have a new nickname for a long time.

Thanks a Lot, Sherlock

Wow, here we have some seriously wise insight from a fortune cookie. There’s probably not a single person on planet earth that doesn’t dive into their Chinese leftovers not even an hour before they have just finished eating. But if this is a business tactic, smart move.

No Way!

We have another winner over here! For anyone who didn’t know where orange juice came from, this could be a particularly enlightening piece of advice for you. But other than that, this fortune is nothing but a waste of paper and the jokester behind it should be ashamed of them.

I Knew It!

Now, this is a fortune that we can all get behind! Imagine if you were torn between the chicken and the shrimp, got the chicken, and then got this fortune at the end of the meal. personally, I would be infuriated and definitely make sure to get the shrimp the next time.

Whoever Made This Wins

Wherever I ended up getting this lovely fortune would automatically become my new favorite restaurant, no questions asked. Hopefully, it would be me who get it and not my mother. But, come to think of it, that would probably be equally as hilarious too. That’s a fortune to keep forever.

This Is Just Dark

This is quite the sinister fortune cookie. What if someone was at the end of their rope and this was the absolute last thing they needed to hear? I guess the people that made this one didn’t think too deeply about the consequences of their actions. But in all seriousness, this is hilarious.

This Could Go One Of Two Ways

Well, this could go one of two ways. This could not be the case and the fortune would be wrong, or it could be right, and I’d have to re-evaluate my place in the universe. I would tell nobody about the restaurant and start placing large bets on sporting events based on the fortune cookies I receive.


Is this an inciteful fortune or this common knowledge? We can’t figure it out. Maybe there’s more than what meets the eye. Either way, if whoever got this has a cat, surely they were keeping an extra close eye on them for the rest of the night. We know we would.

Oh Stop It

Aw, how sweet of this fortune cookie. At first, you might be a little freaked out just reading the first part, but then you’ll realize it was a compliment from a piece of paper in a cookie. At least this cookie’s compliment is directed to a customer and not itself. That was just weird.

Yes Master

This fortune cookie means business. It wants to be your one and the only fortune telling guru and if I were you, I’d probably listen. Also, hopefully, it tells you to empty your ashtray soon because it’s looking pretty full in the background that really takes away from the aesthetic of the picture. Just saying.

There’s Not a Moment To Lose

Now, this is what we’re talking about. if you’re going to make funny fortune cookies make them short, sweet, and effective just like this one. This would make the hair on the back of anyone’s neck stand up if they got this out of nowhere. To be honest, I’d probably start running.

Solid Marketing

This is some solid business and marketing strategy. It’s like the movie Inception when they plant an idea in someone’s mind so that they will think about it later. Hopefully, wherever this person got this had good Chinese food because it probably wouldn’t be effective otherwise.

Honesty Is The Best Policy

You really can’t get mad if you happen to be the person to get this fortune out of a cookie. It’s not lying to you. In some ways, you can even say that it’s helping you by making you realize that maybe you shouldn’t listen to messages that are inside of random little Chinses cookies.