We’ve figured out how to put men in space and put the internet in our pockets, but somehow, we’re still holding on to the past. It’s time to let go of outdated relics and leap into a brighter, better future— one free of TV guides and Internet Explorer.
Walk into the sun with me. Read ahead to find out which objects and ideas won’t make it past 2020. The future is now, and we’re here for it.
Never Check Your Voicemail Again
Is there anything more annoying than that little voicemail dot next to your phone app? Who leaves voicemail nowadays? If you have something important to tell me, send me a text!
A quick voice message via text or messenger, that’s acceptable— but don’t make me call my answering machine and punch in my password just to get rid of that little dot.
Internet Explorer Is A Great Tool— For Downloading Other Browsers
You know you’re on your grandparents’ computer when you start it up and the only browser option is Internet Explorer. There are so many better browser options out there. I’m partial to Google Chrome, but Safari, Opera, or even Firefox would be okay.
Microsoft, stop trying to make Explorer happen. It’s not going to happen.
Just My Two Cents
Pennies were already discontinued in Canada. The last Canadian penny was minted in 2012. Come on America, we have some catching up to do.
It costs 1.5 cents to make a penny, so a penny not made is half a penny earned. I know Lincoln’s face is comforting, but he’ll still have the $5 bill, and you can save your old pennies as keepsakes. Keep reading another form of money we’d like to leave in 2017.
It’s Been Nice Knowing You, TV Guide
Remember when we used to turn to the TV guide channel and wait patiently for the numbers to scroll past? It was a simpler time. Now we have a guide button on our remotes, and we can scroll through the channel information at our own pace.
But the TV guide channel still exists? Why?
So Long, CD Stores
I don’t think I’ve touched a CD since 2007. How are these outdated pieces of polycarbonate still hanging around? We have USBs and memory cards and the cloud.
Maybe in a few years, CDs will have the sort of renaissance that records are having now. The future version of hipsters will insist that Blink 182 sounds better on plastic.
Check Please- Actually, No Thank You
You have two options: receive a paper and pen check for $11, but you have to go to a physical bank to claim your money, or receive a Venmo or e-transfer for $10 and claim your money right from your phone.
I’d gladly lose a dollar in order to never need to deposit a physical check again. Luckily, most banking apps let you deposit physical checks with your phone camera, but let’s all agree to leave paper checks in the past.
Even Bill Gates Isn’t Sure About The Floppy Disk Save Icon Anymore
Most kids nowadays don’t even know what a floppy disk looks like. I think it’s time for a save icon update. Replacement options: a folder, a downward pointing arrow, or a cloud.
While we’re at it, let’s rethink the voicemail icon. I had no idea that it was supposed to look like magnetic tape. But we’ve already decided to get rid of voicemail altogether, so I guess that doesn’t matter as much.
Fossil Fuel Is Dead And Buried
Fossil fuels are made from dead organisms— things that used to be alive and vibrant, just like the fossil fuel industry. This form of energy is no longer sustainable.
It’s time to move on to more eco-friendly power options. Let’s let sleeping dinosaurs lie. Read ahead for another way to move into a more eco-friendly future.
Cut The Cable
Cable TV had a good run. It’s time to let it retire. Digital mediums already generate more ad revenue than tradition cable, and every year more households decide to “cut the cord.”
Let’s follow the likes of Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, and YouTube, and move all of our favorite shows onto the internet.
BMI Is A Big Fat Lie
BMI, or body mass index, is a way of measuring your weight in relation to your height. While the index can give you a rough estimate of your overall health, it fails to take into account your muscle mass, sex, age, or fat percentage.
Let’s leave BMI in the past and look towards more holistic health tools.
Leave Your Paper In The Past
Let’s all just stop printing stuff. It’s better for the environment, and it’s better for our souls. Recycle all of your old papers and then look at every new document on a computer screen.
Sorry, Dunder Mifflin. We’re putting you out of business. Keep reading for a better way to unlock your potential.
E.T. Phone Home? More LIke No More Home Phone
Cell phones are better than home phones in nearly every way. Can you take your home phone out on the town and still make calls? No. Can you watch Netflix nature documentaries on your home phone? I didn’t think so.
Why do we need a stationary phone that’s worse than our portable phone?
I’m Not In The Phone Book
I am baffled as to why physical phone books still exist. When the first phone book was printed, it came with instructions for how to use a phone. That is how old these books are. We don’t need phone books.
They are a silly waste of paper, and all they’re good for is a makeshift booster seat for your kid at the hair salon.
The Key To The Future
Most hotels have already swapped out metal keys for fancy keycards or digital locks. It seems archaic to still be using pieces of metal to secure our homes.
Although, while you can’t pick a digital lock, you might be able to hack into one. Now I’m not sure which option is safer. Read on for the most outdated way to keep in touch.
Get With The Program, America
Americans, I know we are very attached to our pounds and miles and yards, but it’s time to join the rest of the world. Everyone else uses the metric system. And it’s a better system. It makes more sense, and it’s easier to learn.
Let’s not put the next generation kids through imperial system math lessons.
Spray The Day Away
You can find almost anything in an aerosol can— hair products, deodorant, cheese, you name it. But there’s a reason it says right there on the spray paint can that you should wear a mask while using it.
Tiny airborne particles of anything aren’t good for the environment or your lungs. Let’s let aerosol be a thing of the 80s.
Address Books Are A Reminder Of Simpler Times
I remember asking my mom if I could schedule a play date with Ashley from kindergarten. She would ask me to grab her address book from her purse so she could find Ashley’s mom’s phone number. Good times.
Now you can store all of that information on your phone, so you never need to look through an address book again.
So Long, Problematic Sports Team Names
I know people are divided on this issue, but I think we’ve come to a point on this list where we know that some traditions should be left in the past. We have an understanding that just because something is old, that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s worth preserving.
Redskins, you can keep your team colors, but how’s about we update that logo, hm?
Big Brother Is Watching, So We Better Get Used To It
Privacy is a thing of past. I know, it’s sad, and a little unnerving, but it’s the price we pay for a worldwide network of interconnectivity.
I mean, what do you expect? To be able to put all of your personal information online without it being used in a complex advertising scheme? Yeah, I guess that would be nice.
Smash The Patriarchy
Can we leave the patriarchy in the past, please? Let’s make the future more livable and more equal. Let’s have more female CEOs, more paid paternity leave, and more funding for women’s health.
Also, I’d like some more pink hats. Those things were cool.